Life Story Writing

Teaching Life Story Writing and Musings On My Life ~

Oooops ‘U’ Turn…

So you know those times where you think, ‘I really need to write’, but then life gets in the way?  Well, welcome to my world.  I have a good list of excuses: I haven’t been feeling too well; family came into town; we went out of town; I got sidetracked on Facebook; I have been tending the grandkids; its so hot I can’t think!

Excuses no more.  Here, for better or for worse (writing wise) is the next installment of the unfolding romantic saga that began the night (Saturday February 4, 2012)  I pray ‘Heavenly Father, if there is someone I should be with please show me’.  Four days later when Ray Denos shows up on my doorstep I don’t quite know what to think.  (You will have to read the previous blog posts to fill in the blanks).  At the end of my last blog I have brought the new friendship with Ray to an abrupt end by sending him a curt, that is, blatently blunt text, telling him exactly what I think of him, at 5am in the morning.  I now find myself waking up Monday 13 February wondering what his response to the text would be.  I don’t have to wait long.  At 6:55am this text arrived: Ok. I will stay away.  Please call if you ever need anything.  I am and always will be your friend.

‘No!’ That is not the response I expected from him. Now tears are streaming down my face.  What is happening?   Why am I so emotional, so upset?  All I can sense is this feeling that I have just lost my best friend.

This is to be no ordinary morning as my phone rings and a frantic voice on the other end needs my help. I take a girl friend to the emergency room.  So there as we wait for Drs and tests, I relate the events and how I have turned Ray away.  She listens as I in true female form, question my decision.  Have I done the right thing?!

Later that evening I look back on the past few days and realize that, one, I have lost my appetite and lost 4 lbs in four days (any of you out there trying to lose a few pounds, me included, knows what a shocker that would be.)  And, two, my night time sleeping pattern has shifted to something like this:  go to bed at 11pm and fall asleep, wake about 3am, go to the bathroom, climb back in bed, toss and turn till about 5am and finally fall asleep again.  During those two hours my mind plays the ‘Ray Scenario’ over in my head.

Hmmm….something is wrong here.  This isn’t normal.  My pulse is elevated and I feel anxious pretty much all the time.  After a little research I recognize the symptoms as adrenal overload.  This guy has sent me into ADRENAL OVERLOAD! You know, thats when your body says ‘fight or flight’!  Did you know that hostility was one of the behaviors manifested by people on adrenal overload?!  Suddenly, the light is on in my mind and I can see all the ways I had acted hostile and defensive with Ray. That is the fight part.  To be quickly followed by the flight part sent in the text at 5am.  I feel exhausted and overwhelmed.  That night I pray again ‘Heavenly Father, if I prayed the first time and you sent Ray, if this is right and I should give this a second chance, please let him contact me again.’  I fall asleep and sleep all night.

Valentines Day dawns and I feel more like myself, more human.  I feel rested and understand what had been happening to my body.  My logical mind now takes over and reasons with my emotional self…’What you really need to do is go on a fun date.  Forget all the talk about exes and kids and just get out and relax, enjoy each others company and learn about one another.’  ‘Yeah’ my emotional self agrees, ‘that’s if I haven’t already blown it.’

‘Besides’ my rational side continues ‘how many guys would go to that much trouble to track you down?  It shows sincerity and determination and a certain desire.  He at least deserves a second chance for that reason alone.’ ‘Right again’ my emotional side relents.  I am driving in town, running errands, paying bills.  Its 9:27 am Valentines Day and a text comes in.  I look.  Its from Ray Denos.  It simply says, ‘Happy Val day.’  Thats all I need.  I apologetically text him:  I am so sorry about this morningPeople on adrenal overload who have hardly eaten and slept in four days should probably not send texts at five in the morning! 

His response: You can text or call anytime.  I will find time for you. 

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