The Right Life
I have been thinking about the therapeutic affect that writing can have on our lives. My life has not turned out how I imagined. Yet now as I look back and write about my life I have the chance to relive and reflect at the same time. In a way I have a chance not only to write about my life but to ‘right’ my life.
What do I mean by this? Simply that sometimes in the moment of living we may not see the value or the growth or the beauty, all may seem dispairing or painful or dark. Later from an illuminated summit of our life we can see with perspective and clearer understanding as though the sun burned through the misty landscape and the panoramic scenes of our life come into full and complete view.
An example you say? Okay, ten years ago I gave up everything to marry a man on the other side of the Atlantic. Once relocated to his shore he announced that he had ‘changed his mind’. I wrestled with him over his decision for several months before finally returning home. Devastated, emotionally wracked and physically worn, day by day and piece by piece I began to rebuild my life. I was angry, so angry; sad, so sad and so very lonely. I questioned over and over why this had to happen, why I had to go through this, why did things not work out.
Eventually my life came back together and as a single mother I struggled on. Occassionally I would go out on a date but I rarely trusted my own judgement now. I gave God an ultimatum. I told him, ‘I don’t know how to do this. You will have to tell me who the right person is.’ I grumbled to God ‘Why can’t you UPS him to my front door?!’ That would be so much easier I reasoned than having to go through this crazy maze of dating people.
Years passed, about nine years to be exact. Then one day the doorbell rang and there stood Ray. He had been looking for me. I hadn’t seen him in fourteen years. Now one year after his divorce he had dropped out of the sky onto my doorstep. Strange?! He told me that I had the qualities he had been looking for in a wife and thought we could be friends and see what happened. Strange?! Ten days later we went on our first date. I came home stunned. I could see myself with this man. Strange?! The next day walking on the river trail and deep in thought I heard a voice, the voice of God and He said ‘I know you and I know Ray and he is the best man for you.’ Strange?! And then I remembered my desperate ultimatum to God. He had UPS’d Ray to my front door and then He had told me he was the man for me. And honestly the more I came to know Ray the more I saw that he really was the man I had hoped and waited and looked for and prayed for. A month later we were engaged and two months after that we were married.
So what about all those other guys that didn’t love me and the crazy journey I went on trying to find the right guy? So what about that guy in England who changed his mind and decided not to marry me? Thank you heartache that led me to where I was supposed to be and broken enough to listen.
So although for many years before Ray showed up life felt all wrong, in hindsight it was actually all right.
And, you can write about that if you like!